I’m about to unhinge…

February 12, 2009

I’m not well.

I’m not. I’m not. I’m not.

I wish I could cry on someone’s lap.. Take out all this sadness, rage, confusion. Pour it on a kind lap that will absorb my sorrow, overlook my mistakes for a little while and just let me be.

I wish I could scream out all the emotions I have inside me, I wish I knew anyone in this life who can calm me down right now, someone I will believe when they say “it will be alright.”

She used to be that someone… But she is inconsistent.. I need stability..

And then there’s the other person… My mother…

I wish my mother was more supportive.. More motherly.. More absorbing.. I wish she would play with my hair right now while I pour my heart out to her.

What will be the result of this? What will she say?

I can almost hear them. All the accusations.. I can almost see what she will do, how she will act.. She will call me an ingrate.. She will not consider my reasons.. She will overlook whatever I say and only listen to her own conclusions… She will make it about her.. Because this is the kind of mother I have.. Everything is about her.. And right now I just need a devoted somebody who will for once tell me that for this time, and even for this time only, it is about me.. It is my life.. My pain.. My confusion.. My career.. My heart..

Who wants to be my parent for a day?


2 Responses to “I’m about to unhinge…”

  1. Im sorry for ur sadness.

    Sometimes mothers cant relate, but they will always love u 😉

  2. Adrenaline Says:

    i wouldn’t mind a third kid

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