Love it!

I’m not pregnant

I went to my lady-doctor today. I’ve been having funny periods for a while and ignoring them… But the last straw was bleeding on a completely wrong day of the month – out of the blue. I was utterly horrified to be honest, directly my thoughts sprung towards my hymen, and to be honest I felt pathetic… The thought that losing my hymen at the gym is a disaster is ridiculous… And it takes me years back, when my mother was teaching me how to shower myself, and talking to me about always being careful with down there.

I have to admit I am not as careful as I should be, after all I am an arabic young woman who should know the value of her hymen is worth more than gold (please note my bitter sarcasm here). Yes, I used to ride bicycles, and then horses, and I know exactly what I look like down there, I am very curious, and maybe my mom’s mistake was her referring to my vagina as the holy land that originates all taboos. Well, it isn’t, is it? It belongs to me, not to the prospect of a man invading it.

My doc insisted I take a pregnancy test to rule out being pregnant. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and was not convinced when I told her I have never been with a man. Perhaps I wasn’t convincing enough. And when I said I’ve only been with girls she said something about the possibility of getting that child through one of my lady friend’s who’s been with a guy. As though you could simply “catch” pregnancy. But she went on to explain. And yuck.

The ex found it hilarious… In fact her very own words were “Yeah, I wouldn’t swallow it, I would keep it in my mouth to impregnate you with it!” Which lead us to a hideous conversation about snowballing. Tsk tsk.

Good news: I’m not pregnant. + Bad news: I need to take blood tests. *faints*

Things I love in the cold weather

Yummy coffee in the early morning

Hot chocolate in the afternoon

A long hot shower

A good shawarma

A warm blanket + a good DVD

Sweating in the gym

Socks/panties warmed on the heater

A smoke

Her tucking me in bed on the phone

Crisp sunlight

I love you, but fuck you.

“Chathaba”

Isn’t that a disgusting word? Isn’t it horrible being called a liar?

I never said it out loud in that way.. “Chathaba”..

Or… Simply, enti chathaba.

Or… Enti 7achyich killa chithb.

Enti chithbich ga3id elawi3 chabdi.

Ma tchathib tgool 3indi syara kash5a, coz 3ndaha, ma ye7taj.

Ma tgi9 3leek wetgool ana 7elwa, l2anha fi3lan 7elwa. Mako da3i lelchithb.

Bas etgool “a7ibich” ….. Tgool “a7ibich wayd” …….

Tgool ma saweet, wala 7abeet, wala bist a77ad thani.

Tgool abeech entai, entai o bas.

Tgool mabi atzawaj, abi athil m3ach, mayseer?

Ba3den tgool 7ag a77ad thani.

Nafs elshai.

O yemkin akthar.

Yemken l2anni 3atajt?

9ert qadeema…?

Yemkin 6 sneen entihat 9ala7iti.

9ert “boring”… 9ert mako shay yedeed.

Zeen.

Mashi.

People break up.

But lesh elchithib?

Lesh “a7ibich”

Lesh ma 6ala3t, o ehi 6al3a.

Lesh ma bist, o ehi baysa.

Lesh 3indi rash, o ehi 3indaha hickey.

Lesh chathaba?

Elso2al elaswa2 ohwa, lesh chathaba o a7ibich?

Lesbo-kaboom

In Kuwait for the break. And I’m tired of blackberries and the small black (and sometimes beige) chanel bag.

And…

Married ladies? I keep getting hit on looks from women walking with their hubbies.. shissalfa??? I hear Arab men are lacking in length, but does that really mean you should go lesbian-kaboom?

Elyom I was walking with my ex in the effing-yous. Allah laaaa ewareekom el5az. Gabil la a7ish sha3ri a5er 7asha kan 3adi I walk where I want how I want, and kiss whoever I want in whichever parking lot I want.. Now, All I have to do is hold her hand and old ladies throw their eyes out.. Nothing like showing off my skinny ex. Old ladies would love to pop themselves on a hot girls tongue, don’t let their 3abaya fool you. Sex-deprived women always go lesbo-kaboom.

Enough about lesbian sex. This is not what this post is about. It’s about blackberries.. And chanel bags. I really liked that bag. Re7t selfridges, 5al9a. I had an impulse to buy it.. My friend said it’s an old lady’s bag, but I chi3mi her, shu6up, you don’t know Kuwaitis, tomorrow everyone will be carrying one.. And I was right.. Banat/Ladies elkuwait did not drop my word on the floor..

And…

I miss maintaining a proper intellectual conversation with someone. *sigh*

Friends with benefits

I lied to you to make you jealous.

You lied to me to keep me away.

And none of it worked.

I still love you, you still love me, and everyone else are just shadows around a round pond.

Expected me to hate you? Say no such silly thing.

Let the strings go loose. And let all the lies fade into the soft relief of honesty. All I have is yours. And all I want is you. In any form. It does not matter. I can morph myself into any shape you desire. If friend is the trend today, then so be it. But that will not keep me from the wine of your lips, or the warmth between your thighs.

Let the strings go loose.

A little less stress…

“Remember, you cannot undo what’s already been done, so don’t waste energy questioning the past. Instead, focus on navigating your way out of the current instability so you can get back on schedule.”

Sometimes horoscopes tell you exactly what you need to hear.

I am thankful for the present.

For a once in a lifetime chance of meeting so many interesting and diverse people.

I am thankful for money, it brought me here.

I am thankful for technology for making it easier to be away from home and the ones I love.

I am thankful for her. Even if she be not mine, she still is the comfort, the softness, and the sweetness that life offers me once every never after.

Let’s just drop the past and its burdens, let’s just drop it. I cannot carry its heavy weight and its guilt around with me. I don’t want to crawl under it’s mass. Let’s just drop it, and not base future decisions on it. All I can say is I’m sorry, and all I can do is believe that for me there will be forgiveness. I’m hopeful Allah will forgive me.. But I am tired of the guilt. So I’d rather be hopeful than guilty, and just move onwards.

I never got this guilt with girls. So, call me sick if you must.

Hmmm

I’m not so happy…

What to do…?

Oct 24th

No one should support a money-thirsty, ethically bankrupt war.

http://www.stopwar.org.uk/

Boohoo

At first glance at the 7 KD per meedalya email, I thought it’s a rather cool thing to have.

At second glance… Well.. 3ashan le a7ad bag mefta7ik ydil elsayara bedoon ta3ab.

Yep.