Knowing You, Knowing Me

December 26, 2012

Perhaps one of the things I fell in love with is the truth.

I have never been so true to myself, and though you sometimes bite your teeth down in jealousy, you still accept who this woman is, and what she needs.

I still get those pushes towards the marriage route, and sometimes the idea of a home does sound appealing. But am willing to give up this truthfulness.Who will accept the truth of one’s sexuality without insult, without repress, or moderation?

And how do I make him believe that I am not bisexual for his pleasure and that no threesomes are involved in this bodily choice?

You are a good man, but I have a better man, and he knows the truth.

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Looking forward to…

April 29, 2010

White hotel sheets and poached eggs in the morning. Long walks and shopping sprees in the noons. Chocolate treats and photographs in the afternoons. The twinkle in your eyes under the city lights in the evenings. And your softness at night.

Who says reality is never better than dreams?

One more time I want to have that boat for us. (elsha5toora).To sing for you and me. Mawjoo3 bejroo7 elhawa shu byenfa3o? Mawjoo3 ma be2ool 3alli byoja3o wet3n 3abalo layali elwaldani, ya 6ayr…. One more time I want to have you, all mine, before he takes you away.

I remembered something today… The first time you said you loved me… It was a text message.. I was sitting on his sofa, in his house.. It was his birthday… 2003..

And now he takes you away.

Looking forward to seeing you a bride…
Looking forward to seeing you happy, glowing, even if for someone else.. I want to be there for you, make sure you’re okay, make sure you don’t worry too much and remind you not to frown on…
Looking forward to holding your babies… A baby that lived inside of you… A miracle that I am already in love with! Your children, will they look like you? Will he let you name one after me the way you said you wanted, always, when we said we’d babysit each other’s children?

I am looking forward to all of this. Isn’t it enough that you’ll be in it?
I will not be sad but I will be in pain. I deserve you. And I’m not sure how I lost you in the first place. Way too soon.

Memories are not enough.

My life lacks a penis

April 22, 2010

She was upset.

I said: “I wish I was marrying you.”

She said: “I would marry you for free.”

She was very upset. But she’s just made me happy for days to come.

So now all I need to do is be re-born with a penis.

I got back from Kuwait to London recently, since my short vacation is over.

In Kuwait, I realized that my lips can still function passionately on another human being, as awkward as it may be, even if their name is not is synch with my heart beat.

Of course, since she has decided to take a stroll down Straight Ville – I don’t blame her since that’s where people get babies from – I am left to explore other possible connections. Only to realize in the end that I am not cut for this crap, and that I would rather walk down with her on Straight Avenue while she goes on about her daily life, simply because I want to be with her whether the way I want or not.

So yeah, I finally gave in to the ridiculous “best friend” label. Happily doing best-friendish things. And do not blame me, alter-ego, coz you would do the same. How else would I see her? So, I settle, while having my own late teen-like adventures on the side.

On a different note…
You never lose your true friend.

And…
Even though I completely blank on it sometimes; I am not alone in the world.

And…
I am only happy because it’s sunny outside. And because of infinite possibilities ahead.

I’m 25, now what?

July 3, 2009

The first major birthday was 18… Then 20 was a bit depressing (though I was getting loads of it at 20, those were the days!) now I’m 25, OH CRAP!

So, 3annast, officially, yuppeeee!! My mommy and daddy are so proud. They wanted to fix me up with a musician, as if I needed more G in the Gay of my life. And he was so sweet and soft. I would have spanked him and showed him who’s his daddy. But then again I like my men straight. Oh well. Better luck for him next time, with the next top he crosses I guess.

Seriously, a musician!? So I’m supposed to be the main provider of the family? Well, considering that my money brain is as big as a peanut. 50000sh zawaj.

The other guy, not so long ago, was a total psycho. He thought I was talking to other guys. Eh? Well, I don’t blame him too much.. I was talking to others.. But they were girls!

Question for the guys: does that count as cheating?

I mean.. If you found your wife ge22in i2 on with a little lady, is that bad? Guys fantasize about that don’t they? Well, serves him right then. LOL

Then there was abu 3yoon 3asalya, ya lahwi 3leh. So cute. A bit too cute though.. But he talks weird. Like he’s on a mic. And his hands were smaller than mine. Makes me think about other small possibilities. The rest should go unsaid.

Yes, 3annast. Whatever. If I was a guy I would have been married long ago, I already found the lady of my dreams. With guys, it’s a little more difficult I guess.. Kuwaiti guys jyakir, I say it again, and boring, and sa67eyeen. And lots of them are gay. I don’t want to be anyone’s beard. Mo kafi he will be mine?!

I think this is the nastiest post I’ve written in ages. Well, I’m 25! Nasty old bitch.