Knowing You, Knowing Me

Perhaps one of the things I fell in love with is the truth.

I have never been so true to myself, and though you sometimes bite your teeth down in jealousy, you still accept who this woman is, and what she needs.

I still get those pushes towards the marriage route, and sometimes the idea of a home does sound appealing. But am willing to give up this truthfulness.Who will accept the truth of one’s sexuality without insult, without repress, or moderation?

And how do I make him believe that I am not bisexual for his pleasure and that no threesomes are involved in this bodily choice?

You are a good man, but I have a better man, and he knows the truth.

Lesbo-kaboom

In Kuwait for the break. And I’m tired of blackberries and the small black (and sometimes beige) chanel bag.

And…

Married ladies? I keep getting hit on looks from women walking with their hubbies.. shissalfa??? I hear Arab men are lacking in length, but does that really mean you should go lesbian-kaboom?

Elyom I was walking with my ex in the effing-yous. Allah laaaa ewareekom el5az. Gabil la a7ish sha3ri a5er 7asha kan 3adi I walk where I want how I want, and kiss whoever I want in whichever parking lot I want.. Now, All I have to do is hold her hand and old ladies throw their eyes out.. Nothing like showing off my skinny ex. Old ladies would love to pop themselves on a hot girls tongue, don’t let their 3abaya fool you. Sex-deprived women always go lesbo-kaboom.

Enough about lesbian sex. This is not what this post is about. It’s about blackberries.. And chanel bags. I really liked that bag. Re7t selfridges, 5al9a. I had an impulse to buy it.. My friend said it’s an old lady’s bag, but I chi3mi her, shu6up, you don’t know Kuwaitis, tomorrow everyone will be carrying one.. And I was right.. Banat/Ladies elkuwait did not drop my word on the floor..

And…

I miss maintaining a proper intellectual conversation with someone. *sigh*

Call for forming a lesbian community

I don’t want a relationship, but I would be very comfortable around lesbians.. Truth of the matter is, the community in London as far as I have seen is always gay/lesbian.. And like men usually do, gays get more share.. more spots.. and a bigger community.. It really pisses me off.. I really just want to hang out in a spot full of girls.. Do I really have to have men thrust in my face all the time, whether straight or queer?

So my question is, are there any lesbian hot spots in Kuwait? And if not then why the hell not?

I really just want to have a group of lesbian friends whom I’m not afraid of being out in front of… Any ideas?

Kuwait?

Awal shay 7ar.. But I’m not complaining.. I’m fed up with rain o unstable weather. At least now you know.. It’s hot, all day, everyday.. Elwa7id yathbit shwy 3ashan e7is bel2amn welestiqrar. Ay na3am.

Thani shay ana bas bafham, lesh mako shay esma 9eyana belkuwait?
What I’m trying to get at is when something is recently open (like a mall) the toilets are so nice you’d like to sleep in them, then, give it 5 years, it becomes so damn old.. Enzeen change the tiles damn it!! I HAVE to post e9war min 7ammamat elmarina, seriously, chinhom 7amamat masyid mag6oo3 be9a7ra.. zeen leeeeesh???

Zeen ana bafham, banat elkuwait lesh a’3bya? Ya3ni tarachi o 7a6eena, sha3ar o 7asheena, o tyeeni wa7da goo6i tawha testaw3ib ba3ad sneen enni lesbian (madri bisexual, lel7en cruxine ‘3er mu3arraf elhaweya) etbogli 3yoonha ma9dooma o chinha mektashfa kanz dafna yadha min wagt 3abdallah Elsalem Allah yer7ema o yer7am 7alna! Zeen esh7al lo ana abi a5ish elsalfa??!??!! Chan shino 9ar?!??!

 Ana bafham lesh kil elboyat ba66at? Zen, etha 3indich 3oqat naqs lesh t9ereen boya? Tara hatha tazyeef 7ag ellesbians. Elli tabi bnaya lesh troo7 7ag bnaya chinha rayyal?!?!?!? 7alata elli foo2 welli ta7t ya baba wel7idi2 yefham! El7ala zeeeeen!!!! Ta3alemaw min el L word, malat 3leeeekooooom yebtooli elqamit weya sha3ar reelkoooom!!!!!!

*cruxine 9ayra mbalta3a*

Zen ana weddi afham ana 7ag ay koosha min elmujtama3 antami? Eljema3a ahali mu3arrafeen bel”cool”.. Ya3ni ya 5ereejeen medaris 5a99a ya “chicken nuggets”.. Zeen ana shino a6laaa3?? Ya 7elo elmuqarrarat wallah, chinha elba5at! Loma elmuqarrarat chan ma e5tarabna, ahid elfi9a3a waroo7 a3wi 7alji 3ind my cousins?? La wallah! Zeen lesh kil my cousins elli kobri bel AUK esawoon bachelors wana met5arja o asawi masters, a77ad efahemni??? Hal hatha elfashal joz2 min el “cool” ????

Zeen lesh kil elnas shaylen jina6 LV? Shfeehom elmarkat elthanya?? Ana a7taj wa a3tari’6.

O by the way 360 mo 7elo o mawaqfa ‘3ala6 eb ‘3ala6.

O tha betsawoon illustration 7ag om kalthoom.. ya a5i 9a’3raw el double chin! Nancy 3ajram a7san minha?!??

Zeen ana bafham elli ygoolon elmiseela halaga, lesh??? Ya 7elo elmeseela.. 9ara7a ana ma kent met5ayla ako halkithir banat 7elwat belkuwait.. 6ab3an elkuwaityat e’3sil eedik, eljikir la yo’3a6eeh komat elmekyaj (ella elqaleel, ok fi 7elwat bas el2a’3lab jeyakir).. Bas ya weeli 3ala ellebnaneyat.. Ana afham enna elkuwaityat dam throoshom tgoolohom ellebnanyat 7elwat (‘3eera!!!!!!) coz reyayeelhom e3ayronhom fehom.. But as someone who appreciates the female body (I make it sound so clean!) I appreciate ellebanese chicks.. Ya a5i they have the fat in the right places!!! O elkuwaia tyeelik wa7da huge o ‘6aharha muqassam ela 3iddat 6abaqat o labsa bikini, E LEEEEEEEEESH!?!??!? Elmohem enna elbikini ellebnani ge6a3 reeli 3an elshalet. :p

Bas garga 3ad.

I’m 25, now what?

The first major birthday was 18… Then 20 was a bit depressing (though I was getting loads of it at 20, those were the days!) now I’m 25, OH CRAP!

So, 3annast, officially, yuppeeee!! My mommy and daddy are so proud. They wanted to fix me up with a musician, as if I needed more G in the Gay of my life. And he was so sweet and soft. I would have spanked him and showed him who’s his daddy. But then again I like my men straight. Oh well. Better luck for him next time, with the next top he crosses I guess.

Seriously, a musician!? So I’m supposed to be the main provider of the family? Well, considering that my money brain is as big as a peanut. 50000sh zawaj.

The other guy, not so long ago, was a total psycho. He thought I was talking to other guys. Eh? Well, I don’t blame him too much.. I was talking to others.. But they were girls!

Question for the guys: does that count as cheating?

I mean.. If you found your wife ge22in i2 on with a little lady, is that bad? Guys fantasize about that don’t they? Well, serves him right then. LOL

Then there was abu 3yoon 3asalya, ya lahwi 3leh. So cute. A bit too cute though.. But he talks weird. Like he’s on a mic. And his hands were smaller than mine. Makes me think about other small possibilities. The rest should go unsaid.

Yes, 3annast. Whatever. If I was a guy I would have been married long ago, I already found the lady of my dreams. With guys, it’s a little more difficult I guess.. Kuwaiti guys jyakir, I say it again, and boring, and sa67eyeen. And lots of them are gay. I don’t want to be anyone’s beard. Mo kafi he will be mine?!

I think this is the nastiest post I’ve written in ages. Well, I’m 25! Nasty old bitch.

Dear London, I’m tired…

I want this semester to end. I want to go home. I want to be with my parents. I want to sleep in a large bed, and shower in a clean bathroom. I’m tired of cleaning and washing, I want to be a spoilt brat.. I want to wake up to the sound of my alarm, not my roomates’ hairdryer.. I am tired of speaking english and I am tired of people asking me about Islam.. I am tired with germs on buses and spreading toilet roll on toilet seats..

I wanna be normal again…

You know.. A normal Kuwaiti bitch whose nails are always in perfect shape and never has an eyebrow thicker than the other.

Take me home!! I want to be shallow and insignificant for just one week.

A Feminist?

So I got a number of books about feminism and postfeminism, and I agree with 80% of what they say.. Does that make me a feminist?

All my projects at work/college are related to women oppression and giving a better life to females and how that can be achieved or better expressed. But does tat really make me a feminist?

I hate what most men do, and how they view women.. I wish they would all just lose the ideas of superiority and power.. Maybe then there won’t be a need for feminists anyway.

I may have feminist activities and ideas, but I would not label myself as a feminist.. I don’t want my actions to be viewed as those of a woman.. I want them to be viewed as those of a person first. Because that’s what i am.

If I wanted to define myself in a heirarchy it would look like this:

A person/ a woman/ a muslim / an Arab / a Kuwaiti / a bisexual.

And I care about all the oppression in the world.. Towards minorities.. Towards different colors and different religions.. Towards different nations..

I mean, think about the situation in Kuwait.. Think about the oppression foreiners go through. Not just asians, but also Arabs. Think of how many times an Egyptian would hear the phrase “into elmu9arwa” or “inta yalma9ri” in a degrading tone.. Isn’t that a form of maltreatment and abuse?

I don’t have to be a feminist to have a stand in the world.

I am a person. A man’s equal. Not his toy, not his rival either.

Diary 2: Drop it like it’s hot..

I am lazy.

Lazy. Lazy. Lazy.

I love mornings but I hate waking up.

In eliminatory school I woke up to see M, my first pathetic crush.. It used to get me out of bed, jumping to school, to see her. Recently I’ve talked to M, we came out to each other, she is a lesbian, and a “top”.. I am a top.. I was trying to top a top.. My elementary crush would have never worked out simply because our psychologies didn’t match up.

And back in college I  woke up to see the girl.. The thought of her used to get me rushing out of bed… Well, untill she started waking me up with a phone call 😀 Best days!

Now, I am lazier than ever.. With no crushes in the horizon. I’ve been waking up late since I started my postgraduate studdies. Except for the past two weeks 😀

Why?

Well I found it! The reason to wake up, my spot!

It’s the breakfast in my college’s cafeteria.. I like to get my large skinny late, brie and tomato sandwitch and sit in my table.. Our cafeteria has two parts, the part where I sit is next to the main hall, so in the morning, it’s busy, but not too busy, so it still feels quiet, everyone is too tired to make too much noise.. They just talk.. And it’s really interesting to catch bits and pieces of conversation (unintentionally). Such a different world this is, so different than the same old conversations you’d hear in Starbucks in Kuwait, or Lorenzino.. Make up, bags, guys.. The same old lame gossip about flana o 3eltana.. Here it’s more diverse. You get the occasional gossip, but you also get conversations about politics, philosophy, art theory and literature.. As I said, it’s a complete different world than the halls of Kuwait University and the Cafes of the Avenues.. Even though I miss the popcorn in Avenues cinema. :p

The coffee guy loves me, and I love seeing his face in the morning.. Today he didn’t see me, the Russian lady served my coffee, and when it was ready I was staring out of the french doors into the courtyard, he called for it, and when I picked it up he said “Oh, it’s for you?” in a soft voice.. As though if he knew it was for me he would make it better.. Creamier.. Best good morning ever!

I really thought I looked too boyish for guys to crush on me, apparently I am not.

As I was sipping my coffee and munching on my chocolate muffin, and typing this post, the music from the Student Union shop was creeping to my ear making me dance in my seat.. It was Snoop Dog’s voice, not too loud, but loud enough for me to hear him telling me to “Drop it like it’s hot – Drop it like it’s hot – Drop it like it’s hot”..

😉

Catch yer eye?

Seems like every Kuwaiti girl is going through a “photography phase”.. Just take a look at flickr, it’s depressing.

Well you know what they remind me of? Most of them at least..?

Yes,

Wilson from Home Improvement.

Coz they all seem to think they have sexy eyes, and show nothing more.

The thing about Shujoon

If you’re Kuwaiti/Arab, and familiar with Ramadan’s musalsalat, you know Shujoon El-Hajri for sure.. I was looking at some youtube clips of her and I came to the conclusion that she is one of the best actresses in the gulf especially from the new generation. I am not saying that because I’m a lesbian, and I am not saying it because I like her, because personally, she kind of annoys me.. But I have to admit that her acting is better than many well-established actresses such as Suad Abdullah whom, I honestly feel,  should have stopped after ma7’6oo’6a o mabrooka!

If you think about Shujoon’s good acting, it’s not that difficult to figure out how and why it is so. She may not be that good herself, but she is really good in comparison to others. I honestly believe that she is better than other actresses simply because she left pretending aside. She is not worried about being feminine or looking sexy, I find that the roles casted for her suit her, and she does the job well enough. There even were a couple of roles where she’s end up with layers of make up on in a scene or two, but here’s the catch: she doesn’t have layers of make up all the time. Which makes a difference, she looks natural, and therefore believable.. Her voice is her own, she doesn’t put a 7aleema Bolandish accent, and is in control of her body. She is comfortable with it. Perhaps her being boyish (I won’t say a lesbian 3ashan ma a7i6 bthemmiti) helps her in that aspect where she is not afraid to show enthusiasm, or flesh, and the flesh she shows doesn’t look prostitutish. She is not afraid to move about.. Her clothes are not 3ala kaf 3afreet or too exaggerated or too stuck to her body, so she can move in them, and express.

I wonder if there will ever be a time when 5aleejyat actresses know that what they do to themselves is pathetic and cheap. I showed an Italian friend a few clips and she almost collapsed with laughter over the layers of make up in arabic media in general. Not only girls.. Take one look at Amru Diab and you realize, even men are falling in the same trap of what looks like a masquerade. Sometimes I feel they don’t have the charisma or the guts to show themselves as they are. Although, there are so many examples in the arab world that proves that looks can be secondary. I won’t give examples, but take two seconds to think about bad looking amazing singers and you will know what I mean.

What I mean to say is, kudos Shujoon. I support the way you approach the audience. At least you don’t lie to them with fake eyelashes and puffed lips. Stay that way.